What to Ask Yourself Before Deciding to Divorce

Divorce isn’t often a snap decision. It is an extremely difficult problem that people often try their absolute best to avoid. It is a significant decision, and many people take their time before deciding whether divorce is the best option.

If you are thinking about divorce but are not sure if this is the right time, you are certainly not alone. There is no one universal indicator that it’s time to proceed with a divorce. Divorce is an intensely personal decision. However, there are some questions you can ask yourself to help you determine if you are ready.

What is Most Important to Me?

One person may be able to live without what another person views as essential in a marriage. For example, some people are satisfied in a marriage with a spouse who is great with the children, even if there is something lacking in the emotional or romance department. Other people may tolerate the reverse.

Think about what you want to have in your marriage to be happy. Do you really have what you need to be happy in your marriage today? If you don’t, is it possible there is some way to attain it? You may have already tried counseling, but without your actual needs being met, divorce may seem inevitable.

What Can I Live Without?

While you may be unhappy, your marriage may be giving you some benefits that you may not want to be rid of. These benefits may include emotional security, financial security, a certain status in society or something else. Consider what you will give up when you divorce and whether you are willing to give up the benefits in exchange for a new beginning.

What Would I be Left With if I Divorced?

Think about what is essential for your happiness. Divorce is the process of dividing debts and assets as fairly as possible. Very very few people walk away from a divorce with more than they started with. However, you will walk away with a chance to start over and fashion your life in ways you would like to do so. You should consider what you can live with and live without, while keeping the focus on your potential happiness and whether divorce is the best way to accomplish your goals.

Why am I Considering Divorce?

If you are seriously considering a life-changing move such as a divorce, you live have been deeply hurt and unhappy. Examine your feelings to discover the source of your pain. Ask yourself where you feel abandoned or where you feel mistreated or not loved. Be honest with yourself here, even if it may bring up unpleasant memories that you would rather forget.

After you have done this emotional work, you should gain some perspective on what, exactly, is leading you to consider divorce at this point in your marriage. It may even give you a seriously clear moment about deciding to divorce. However, even if it doesn’t, the process may allow you to bring your feelings and concerns to your spouse so you can properly assess whether there is any way to heal moving forward. Sometimes there is a way forward and divorce is unnecessary and avoidable. Other times, there is no reconciling and it is time to end the marriage.

Should you decide that it is time to move forward with your divorce, contact an attorney who knows divorce law in Santa Fe for help with your next steps. An attorney can give you a realistic idea of how your divorce may proceed, your rights and what to expect. This will help you make an informed decision about what to do next.