Keeping calm when you’re negotiating your divorce is crucial, but it can be difficult. During this emotionally fraught period, it’s entirely normal to have sensitive topics pop up, strain your emotions and bring out some of your less-than-positive qualities. When you’re discussing who gets what, all of these feelings can take their toll on you and cause you to lose all your patience in an instant.
Despite all the challenges, staying cool, calm and collected during your negotiations with your former spouse will pay off in the end. Check out the tips below to help keep your temper in check and keep your divorce settlement talks on track. The faster you can come to an agreement with your former spouse, the better off you will be emotionally and financially. If you have children, it’s also in their best interest for you to settle these matters quickly.
Don’t go backwards
Your previous relationship with your former spouse is over. The only one that will remain is your co-parenting relationship if there are children involved. Therefore, there’s no point in blaming your spouse for what happened or rehashing the past anymore; it won’t change a single thing. Leave your anger and sadness over what has happened at the door when you go to negotiate with your ex. While you’re at it, ignore any attempts by him or her to hurt your feelings or punish you over the end of the relationship as best as you can.
Don’t be afraid to be assertive sometimes
While you want to leave your anger out of it, you don’t want to be a pushover, either. Express all of your needs in an assertive way. Give your attorney the relevant and important information he or she needs to properly represent you. Avoid focusing on fueling more negative emotions between you and your ex; your sights need to be set on your life post-divorce. You must fight for what you will need to have a better financial future for yourself and your kids.
Let emotional item attachments go
Be realistic about which assets to keep and which ones to let go. You don’t want to waste your time, energy and “share” portion on something that will not benefit you. For example, if you really want to keep the family home, do the math first. Don’t let your emotions guide you into taking a home you wouldn’t be able to afford and just lose later. Keep your eyes set on the big picture so you go for assets that will benefit your financial interests in the long term. Sit down and get your calculations straight so you know what you can afford to maintain and what is off the table.
You might need more help than your family and friends can provide, even if you’re got a great support network. If you need a little help to get through this period in your life and approach the settlement talks with a clear and focused mindset, start speaking with a therapist. You will be able to share your feelings in these sessions and work on new ways to cope better so you can have a swift and successful resolution to your divorce.
Let your attorney do the talking
If a discussion becomes heated and you just want to start yelling, let your attorney handle the conversation for a bit instead. An experienced attorney will be skilled at negotiating and dealing with flared tempers and is better positioned to get the dialogue back on track. By keeping things moving along even with little speed bumps here and there, your attorney will help you avoid a long and expensive divorce.