As you realize your marriage is ending, you may find yourself in a storm of frustration, emotions and stress. Everyone is going to have to adjust to new living arrangements and make decisions about property and money. The emotions that stem from these changes make it more difficult for spouses to understand or even just focus on the aspects of the divorce. The emotional firestorm can also make it tough for them to make smart, sound decisions during this time.
Before you file for divorce, there are a few important things you can keep in mind to help you sidestep some of the problems the emotions in the process might bring.
Don’t expect to “win” the case
Many people start a divorce with the expectation that they will “beat” their spouse in court. However, in divorce, there is usually not a winner. Most cases involve a myriad of complex topics, such as spousal support, property division and child support. It is unusual for divorcing spouses to come out of the process with every single thing they wanted.
Rather than concentrating on being a “winner” or “loser,” think about the possible consequences of a court battle. It will likely be expensive, stressful and emotionally draining. If there are children involved, they will suffer. If you can compromise outside of court by working with your spouse and your respective attorneys, you can reach an agreement in a shorter period of time and with more privacy.
Really weigh important decisions
Many life-changing decisions will pop up during your divorce. You might need to decide if you should sell your home, for example. Try to resist the urge to make a quick decision just to keep the case moving. When you are making any important decision, you must consider the consequences you will face. If you need to, make a list of the pros and cons of each choice you have to make. When you see the results of each action on paper, you’ll have a better idea of what to do.
Consider advice carefully
It’s not unusual for people who have already gone through a divorce to give you advice about what you should and shouldn’t do. Unfortunately, the information and advice you get from other people may not be correct or it could be misleading, even if their intentions are good.
Every divorce has its own set of unique issues. Some people may think what happened in their divorce will also happen in yours. However, it is just not a good idea to base vital decisions about your divorce on the experiences of someone else. Instead, work with an attorney and rely on their guidance and help during your case.
Keep the “big picture” in mind
It’s very easy to find yourself dwelling on every bad thing your spouse did during the marriage. However, if you engage in this, it will prevent you from moving on with your life, and it could lead you to make a decision that is not in your best interest. Let go of the past and look to the future instead. Approach your divorce with an open mind and be willing to work with your spouse to get the best outcome for your entire family.
Filing for divorce can be a frustrating, difficult and emotional time for all involved. Use the tips above to help take the sting out of your situation. Over the long run, this will help make a difficult transition easier on you and your kids. Being informed is the right way to approach your divorce regardless of your exact situation.