Identifying Potential Issues in a Marriage

Every relationship has its own dynamic, and there are many reasons that a couple decides to separate or divorce in New Mexico. However, research conducted by various experts over the years has uncovered behaviors that could indicate a couple is heading toward divorce. While there are always exceptions, if you are concerned about your marriage, take a look at the four behavioral predictors of a divorce and how they may manifest themselves in a relationship.

The Introduction of a Stonewall

Angry and frequent arguments can be a sign of a troubled relationship, but a lack of arguments can be an indicator of problems, too. If you feel an argument coming out but you and your spouse simply ignore the issue, it’s considered stonewalling. You or your spouse may attempt to block each other out by leaving the house, picking up a mobile device, walking away, turning your TV on, or by using other ways to shut the other person out. When this occurs, communication is completely cut off, and that makes it impossible to even address the issue, let alone solve it.

Collection of Contempt

Contempt can be a huge red flag for a couple because it’s very difficult to maintain a relationship when this behavior is involved. Contempt leads a spouse to see the other spouse with disdain, scorn and even disgust. When this occurs, the spouse with contempt will view the other spouse as beneath him or her, and a couple that is on unequal footing will find it tough to grow or be happy with each other. Basically, the spouse who is feeling contempt has closed themselves off entirely from the needs or emotions of their spouse, which is just about one step away from giving up on the relationship. When you are not able to see yourself in your spouse’s shoes at all, you should take a look at whether contempt is taking over the relationship.

A Barrage of Criticism

People don’t enjoy criticism in general, and it’s worse when it is coming from their partner. Each person has their own faults, but when you start looking at your spouse’s faults as actual character flaws, these small critiques can start adding up. You will find yourself feeling upset at and annoyed with your spouse more often, and he or she will become worn down by feeling scrutinized and censored. This is why criticism in a relationship is dangerous, and it can gather power over a relationship as it contributes to feelings of resentment. Many times, criticism goes hand in hand with feelings of contempt.

A Deluge of Defensiveness

It is tough to accept your own fault in a situation, particularly when your mistake was small. However, if you won’t acknowledge your own flaws and/or often refuse to admit you were wrong, those defensive behaviors can drive a wedge between you and your spouse rather quickly. Any time a spouse is defensive, it makes communication harder, and even daily conversations about minor topics could become frustrating minefields.

All couples have their ups and downs throughout a relationship. However, if you notice any one of the behaviors above as a permanent fixture in your relationship, it’s time to consider what to do about it. Ask yourself if you want to take some steps to fix the marriage or if you may need to consider a separation or divorce. Whichever approach you choose, take the time you need to make the right decision and speak to an experienced family law professional about the next steps if you decide that separation or divorce is the correct route in your case.