Conflict can be pretty daunting, especially during a New Mexico divorce or legal separation. When there’s a risk of escalating tensions and causing an all-out argument, it can seem easier to just avoid the conflict instead. This is a temporary fix, and staying silent to avoid conflict usually isn’t the right way to go when there are issues that have to be discussed. When you keep quiet about things that are bothering you, it can breed resentment and just make matters worse down the road. Whether you’re avoiding a conflict that needs to be confronted with your ex over divorce matters or your kids, here’s what you can do to help get these issues resolved in the healthiest way possible.
Be Brave About It
Bringing up tough subjects is obviously easier said than done, but keep in mind that your pent-up feelings may make it even harder to face the problem down the road. Being afraid when you are sharing your feelings and hearing what your ex has to say could also lead you to become more defensive than you would have been otherwise. Be confident in your approach, and keep your composure throughout your conversation.
Keep Your Tone Level
Your tone is half the battle in difficult conversations. Set yourself up for a constructive and calm conversation by minding your wording and keeping your emotions from getting the best of you. If you are using messaging to handle a conflict, you need to be extra careful. Reread every message multiple times, in the mindset of the person receiving it, before you press “send.”
Leave Your Assumptions at the Door
Walking into a potentially tough conversation with the assumption that your way is the ideal way will not work to your advantage. You will need to let those assumptions go so you’re open to new ideas, and give your ex the opportunity to explain his or her stance just as he or she should do for you. Keep in mind that how you listen to your ex will impact how well you get through to each other, and you may be surprised to find that you do, in fact, agree on some areas.
Get Help if You Need It
If you need professional help, such as counselor or a mediator, don’t hesitate to seek it. Letting the situation linger will make it harder to approach later, so it’s never a bad idea to have a neutral third party’s assistance. Make sure you find a counselor or mediator that both you and your ex are comfortable with, as that will help set the stage for more productive sessions.
Keep Your Lines of Communication Open
If you have kids with your ex, you will need to keep the lines of communication open. Even if you don’t have kids, settling your divorce will be tougher if you can’t have any productive discussions about important matters with your ex. Work to keep communication flowing between you the best you can. It’s a necessity for co-parents who will be raising kids together post-divorce, and for those who don’t have children. Being able to communicate may lead to a speedier resolution of the divorce case.
Always remember that resolving conflict and avoiding it are not the same things. You’ll need to consider what is the best way to tackle difficult subjects so you and your family can move forward in your lives. A conflict probably won’t be resolved in a day, but if you take the time to manage it in a healthy way, you’ll be much less stressed and happier with the final result.