You love the person you are planning to marry and have full faith in your relationship. However, you also know that in the unlikely event that something goes wrong in the future, you will save yourself and them drama, stress and heartache if you have a prenup in place.
If your initial attempts to talk about a prenup with your future spouse haven’t gone well, you don’t have to give up on the idea just yet. Try the tips below to encourage your spouse to agree to a prenup without damaging your current relationship.
Ask Them to Just Hear You Out
Strong and clear communication is the foundation of a healthy relationship. Gently remind your partner that, as a couple, you must be able to openly talk about challenging issues. Be clear that you are confident you and your partner can handle this difficult subject together as a team.
Set a Date for the Discussion
Suggest a date, place and time to have this conversation, one during which neither of you will be hurried, interrupted or stressed. You want this conversation to be held when you are both relaxed. This date should be well in advance of your wedding date and clear of any other emotional events.
Prepare for the Talk in Advance
Don’t walk into this discussion cold. Think about exactly why you want the prenup and how you can communicate your reasons in a clear but loving manner to your partner. You should explain your reasoning honestly and compassionately, without any aggression.
Your partner may be more open to the idea if, for example, you let them know about how your parents’ messy divorce had a negative impact on your life. Let them know that the prenup is not because you have a lack of trust in them. It is more like fire insurance: protection against something you truly hope will never happen.
Explain All of the Benefits
Your conversation shouldn’t just focus on how the prenup would benefit you personally. This type of agreement can offer real benefits to both of you. If, for example, your partner is planning on leaving their career to raise your future children, the prenup could address support for them in exchange for that sacrifice. If you have a lot of assets but your partner doesn’t, the prenup can ensure your partner would receive their fair share, and vice versa.
Work as a Team
A prenup isn’t something you would just write on your own and have your future spouse sign, so make sure you make that clear to them. Both of you would work as a team and have your own legal representation, ensuring you both have your voices heard and your rights protected.
Hear Their Concerns
Once you have explained your reasons for the prenup, really listen to your partner’s position on the matter, and do not interrupt. Don’t try to simply brush their feelings or concerns aside; they are entitled to their point of view. Once you hear them out, you can consider what you may be able to do to address their specific concerns with the prenup. If, for example, they mention the prenup is a bad omen for your marriage, reassure them that this is not the case. In fact, the prenup can be seen as an act of love, protecting both of you from a long, painful divorce process in the future in case things do not go as you expect them to in the marriage.