Divorce is one of the most challenging life events that most people will ever have to navigate. One way of making a divorce easier to handle is establishing clear boundaries with your soon-to-be-ex spouse.
Why boundaries are important
Boundaries can safeguard your physical, emotional and mental wellbeing during a divorce, allowing you to do what is right for you and not be railroaded into a course of action that makes you uncomfortable. Setting boundaries is essentially the process through which you determine which behaviors you are willing to tolerate [1]. When going through a divorce, setting clear boundaries is crucial for achieving a successful outcome. Boundaries will help you avoid unnecessary stress, manage conflict and maintain your self-esteem. When you have clear rules of engagement and can recognize unacceptable behaviors, you can drive negotiations and consider compromises, even when emotions are high.
The boundaries you should set during your divorce
Emotional boundaries
By defining your emotional boundaries and sticking to them, you can protect your mental health and pave a path to a brighter future. It can be very hard to manage your emotions because divorce is a turbulent time in any relationship, but by understanding the interactions that cause you the greatest stress and setting clear boundaries about how and when you have them, you can plan for them and ensure that you are in the right state of mind to make effective decisions. Practically, this can be done by determining what causes you to feel ways you want to avoid, identifying the triggers of those feelings, and developing a plan to avoid those triggers. These boundaries can, and sometimes should, be communicated clearly.
Social boundaries
If you and your spouse have mutual friends and acquaintances, you will need to agree on how to handle social events you must both attend. You may need to specifically ask friends for support or to respect your privacy. Although you should try not to encourage any friends take sides in your divorce, having someone to talk to can be very helpful.
Financial boundaries
Finances are a contentious subject in many divorces, setting clear financial boundaries at the outset is recommended. Agreeing on how to handle financial affairs can make a divorce considerably easier, however this is an aspect that will typically require the assistance of an attorney.
Communication boundaries
Communication between you and your spouse should always be respectful, particularly if children are involved, so agreeing on a mode of communication and setting dates and times for discussions about particular topics can help both parties to plan and reduce misunderstandings.
Physical boundaries
You may feel uncomfortable living with your spouse once you begin the divorce process, so establishing physical boundaries can ease this discomfort and give both of you the space you need to proceed.
Legal support is available
Lawyers who practice divorce law in Albuquerque can help you set legally binding boundaries during your divorce, reducing misunderstandings and conflict and paving the way for productive discussions.
Areas in which your lawyer can help you include child custody, distribution of assets and financial matters, and living arrangements. Your lawyer can create temporary custody arrangements that specify periods of visitation and communication protocols. They can define the terms of any property distribution [2] discussions, including only discussing finances when your legal representative is present. You can also ask your lawyer to petition the court for exclusive possession of your family home if circumstances dictate.
How to establish boundaries
It can seem overwhelming to discuss your boundaries with your spouse, but it is a powerful tool that will influence the outcome of future divorce discussions. Take the time to plan for the conversation to make sure you achieve your desired outcome.
Focus on what you need: Do not lay blame, but instead articulate what you need to feel safe and comfortable as you proceed with the divorce. Be clear and specific to avoid future misunderstandings.
Listen to what your spouse has to say: it is important to consider your spouse’s opinion but not be bound by it. Understanding their point of view can help both of you to achieve clarity.
Stay calm: Emotions can, and will, understandably run high during a divorce. You may need to stop discussions while you or your spouse regains composure. Be firm and hold your ground on points that are important to you. Do not allow yourself to be guilted into an outcome that you are unhappy with.
Seek legal counsel: If informal discussions go awry and you are unable to effectively establish boundaries through informal channels, you should seek legal support to establish your boundaries. Your lawyer has the mechanisms to enact formal boundaries for you.
Whether you are filing for divorce or considering dissolving your relationship, the Law Office of Dorene A. Kuffer is here to help you. We are experts in the field of family law and can help you achieve a fair outcome with minimal stress. To find out more, contact us today.
Resources:
[1] https://www.dbsalliance.org/support/young-adults/8-tips-on-setting-boundaries-for-your-mental-health/
[2] https://law.justia.com/codes/new-mexico/chapter-40/article-3/section-40-3-8/