Research shows that approximately 90% of adults in Western cultures will marry by the time that they are 50 years old [1]. Yet statistically, half of first-time marriages will end in divorce. Divorce is a costly and emotionally complex process that many people want to avoid at all costs, so it is interesting to note that the divorce rate rises with each subsequent marriage.
Just under 30% of New Mexico residents have been married two or more times [2]. These statistics may lead one to wonder what leads couples who have already experienced the trauma of a divorce to remarry. Here is a look at some of the possible explanations.
The original marriage was ill-conceived
Many couples who choose to marry during the honeymoon stage of their relationship may not understand the realities of sharing their life and finances with another person. Perhaps they tied the knot in a quickie ceremony in Las Vegas and regretted their decision shortly thereafter.
Whatever the reason, history shows that many first-time marriages are not founded on due diligence and careful pre-planning, so divorcees may feel better equipped to face the prospect of marriage a second time around.
The cost of living crisis
Whether a first divorce was prompted by incompatible handling of joint financial affairs or a second wedding seems like a logical step to achieving financial security, finances play a part in many couples’ relationship status. History shows that in times of economic crisis, the marriage rate typically declines, with exceptions being noted in states where traditional views on marriage and child-rearing still dominate.
Why second and subsequent marriages are less likely to succeed
People who are entering into second and subsequent marriages should do so with the knowledge and experience gained from their first marriage and divorce. They should engage with a law firm that practices family law in Albuquerque (https://kufferlaw.com/), learn from their experiences and believe that they will be able to prevent the situation from recurring.
Many people remarrying believe that they emerge stronger and more resilient following a first divorce and that this prepares them more effectively for their next marriage [3]. However, this heightened self-awareness and the creation of stronger boundaries may contribute to the failure of these subsequent marriages.
The most likely reasons that second and subsequent marriages fail include:
Always looking for red flags
Having left one unhappy relationship, people who want to protect themselves from the pain of another breakup will invariably build walls to keep a safe distance between themselves and their new spouse. They may mistake this reluctance to commit for independence and emotional resilience, but it can lead them to look for red flags where they do not exist and to exaggerate the effect of small disagreements until the relationship feels doomed. Ultimately, this becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy that results in another divorce.
Rebound relationships
People who fear living alone, need the financial security of a partner, or quickly succumb to feelings of loneliness are more inclined to marry the first person who shows them attention and affection. Often, this person may not be right for them, and when they get to know each other better, flaws in the relationship are highlighted until they are no longer deemed acceptable and divorce is sought.
Children are less likely to be impacted
Most relationships produce offspring in the first marriage, so there is less inclination for people who are marrying for the second or third time to stay together for the sake of the children. With the risk of imposing emotional trauma on their children assumed to be reduced, undesirable behavior or incompatibility is less likely to be endured. As a result, a divorce can be more likely.
Blended families can be challenging to manage
Second and subsequent marriages may come with baggage. Ex-spouses, children, child visitation schedules, and financial commitments in the form of child support and spousal support payments all add up to create a complex environment in which the needs of the married couple are rarely prioritized. This can lead to feelings of inadequacy, resentment and guilt that can quickly make divorce appear desirable.
The topic of marriage and divorce is a fascinating one and at the Law Office of Dorene A. Kuffer, we can help you with all aspects of family law, including preparing for marriage through the creation of prenuptial agreements, supporting you in navigating the complexities of divorce, and helping you understand the implications of remarrying in terms of avoiding undesirable outcomes should divorce result yet again.
Our priority is your long-term financial and emotional stability. To find out more about our range of services and how we can support your family in achieving the best possible outcome, contact us today.
Resources:
[1] https://worldpopulationreview.com/state-rankings/divorce-rate-by-state
[2] https://thebudgetsavvybride.com/which-states-remarry-most/
[3] https://collaborativepracticesanmateocounty.org/articles/resiliency-in-divorce-what-it-is-and-why-you-want-it/