A divorce can bring a lot of emotions with it. After all, it’s not only the end of the marriage; it’s the end of the life you had planned on having. One common stress point in divorces is when one spouse has moved on quickly, finding a new partner during or immediately after the divorce. This can naturally stir up many feelings in the other spouse, who may not be ready to move on just as quickly.
If you are in a situation where your soon-to-be-ex is already dating someone else, you may find yourself caught in a whirlwind of emotions, and it can all have a very negative effect on your life. While there is no one set way to handle a spouse who is already dating another person immediately after or during your divorce, there are things you can do to help ease your own turmoil over the situation.
Don’t Dig Into What Your Spouse Is Now Doing
When you first learn that your spouse is seeing someone else, you may be tempted to torture yourself by trying to find out more about the new partner. Thanks to online platforms like Facebook, researching people has never been easier. However, you must remember you will not be able to unlearn what you discover, and the only person who will suffer from that is you.
Don’t Be Naive About What You Find
Your mind may attempt to minimize what is happening, and you might find yourself thinking your spouse’s new relationship must just be a fling or more innocent than it seems. While it could very well be a fling, it may also progress quickly, and you should prepare yourself for that. If you have children with your ex-spouse, don’t waste your time and efforts on fighting the involvement of the new partner in their lives. As long as your kids are safe, it will be wasted effort.
Don’t Misplace Your Anger
Even on a good day, many people misplace their anger. When you add a divorce and an ex-spouse who is already dating someone else to the mix, it becomes the perfect storm for anger. Of course, your anger is understandable and real, and it will need an outlet. However, the outlet needs to be one that is healthy for you and everyone else. This is especially true if you have children together as you are setting an example for them.
Don’t Feel Pressured to Pair up Yourself
You may feel as if the solution here is to find a new partner for yourself. Close friends and family may have already suggested this. However, it’s not a wise move if you are not ready. You will only end up dragging your anger, sadness, and frustration into your new relationship, which won’t add up to a pleasant experience for anyone involved. When you are actually ready to re-enter the dating world, go for it! Just don’t tip your toes into the pool until you are ready to swim.
Don’t Make It About You
This may sound odd, but the truth is that you might be feeling as if there is something wrong with you because you were “replaced” by your partner so quickly. However, this isn’t true. Your partner’s ability to move on so fast just means you were with the wrong person to begin with, not that you are defective in any way.
People do date during or after a divorce. You cannot stop your spouse from doing so, but you can control your own reactions to their new relationship to some degree. If you have serious concerns about this or other issues in your divorce, be sure to discuss them with your attorney.